i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
