i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
