Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But theres a keg here and me gusta
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
