is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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