My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
