he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
