So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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