So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize