Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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