My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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