ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
