insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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