My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
