we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
