Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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