i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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