She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
