I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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