I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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