Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My life is pants optional.
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