So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
