you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
