Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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