I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
