Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Buhtt sex?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
