dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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