buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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