out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
