he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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