i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
