U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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