Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
