You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
