Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
