drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
