I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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