I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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