I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
