somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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