like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
