I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
