Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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