I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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