Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
