and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
