If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my liver is dry heaving
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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