Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
