Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
