I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
