Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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