Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
