Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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