Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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