i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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