I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
