I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
