so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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