I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
