how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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