did you get engaged???
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
