The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
