Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
