no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
