I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
