I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
