She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize