Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
