So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
