I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
