He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
