Me too!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize