dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize