so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
