my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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