It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
