you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
