I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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