I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize