Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
