I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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