once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
