Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
