Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
