so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
