i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
