I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
