sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
