Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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