This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
