After last night, I could never be a politician.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
